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A Road to Certainty – Cancer Edition

June 6, 2012

21 hours ago I sat in a hospital in a “consultation room” to have a Dr. come in and tell me how my Dad’s heart surgery went (it went great by the way) when I got the dreaded call that I knew was coming. It was Danielle and she said the three words I pray no one has to hear, “I have cancer.” I really can’t explain the emotions that flowed through my body as I stood in the hallway of the hospital. I was/am scared, worried, angry, and every other emotion possible. I left the hospital to go and be with my wife. When I got to her she was strong, stable and quite simply amazing. She is much stronger than I am!

I have pretty well thought about everything and thought about nothing all at the same time! I know that sounds weird but that’s how I feel.This morning as I prepared to get some work done because I remembered I still have a job and as I began to pay some bills that were due, because I also realized businesses won’t take cancer diagnosis as an excuse for being late. I began to thank about the past couple of years.

My thought process began as “WHY GOD! Haven’t we been through enough as a family. Can’t we have a year off!” Then I realized how much of a blessing this is. God chose us to walk through this as a family to make His name great! I can’t think of a better honor! He then began showing me blessings that I never would have thought of. I know there are many more, but I just want to list a few things that God has reminded me this morning that He has had His hand on us for a long time.

1. Danielle’s first appointment was on June 1st – my new insurance started June 1st. So everything should be covered under the insurance.

2. Someone randomly has offered to help cover our medical bills!!!!

3. A year ago I thought we were going to another church in another state. For some reason I just did not have a peace about and I couldn’t understand why…I turned the church down and I now completely understand why. I couldn’t imagine being away from friends and family right now!

4. I never thought I would consider being fired as a blessing from God but if I had never been fired then the Lord would not have made us so much closer as a family and me personally so much closer to Him! His hand was a part of me coming back from Kentucky. Also I would be further away from family.

There are many more that I am not thinking of right now.

Please keep us in your prayers as we walk through this!

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Ken Nelms permalink
    June 6, 2012 8:56 am

    I love your post. First, we love y’all and are here for you when you need us. Second, I love that you are blogging. Jessica and I, mostly Jessica, did the same thing when Jackson went through his heart surgery. It helps so much to express your feelings no matter how weird you think they are. Through all of the trials that Jessica and I have been through, we constantly love to play the “so that’s why that happened” game. It is so awesome to look back on things that felt so devastating at the time but ended up preparing and shaping God’s ultimate plan. Love Y’all.

    • June 6, 2012 9:05 am

      Thanks Ken. Honestly that was one of my fears is people wouldn’t really understand my thoughts and fears. I have thought of so many more ways God has prepared us for this since I hit post!

      Oddly I’m excited to see what all God is going to teach us on this road. Atleast right now! In 10 minutes I will probably be angry again! This is a crazy roller coaster.

  2. John Hornback permalink
    June 6, 2012 11:40 am

    I have not experienced the issues you have dealt with and are dealing with. You must be much older than me. Ha. But I always learn from the trials of others which will hopefully prepare me for the inevitable. I am inspired by your comments in this blog. I am encouraged that you see the blessings in what looked like negative events in your life. In fact, they were negative, but you are right. God has a purpose. We don’t always know it later, but He always reveals Himself.

    I’m motivated to relate the briefest recollection of another couple going through what you are experiencing at this moment. The couple said they almost regretted the end of treatments because there was so much focus during the diagnosis and treatment process on what is really important – God, family, friends, relationships. Not jobs. Not money. Not the greenest year. Not the neatest car. Not the hustle and bustle of the daily rat race. At the end of the treatments, the other significant words “you are cancer-free” also being back the option to regress to old mindsets.

    Hopefully, your early perspective will prevail through the journey. Hopefully you can share your thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. You see, God is already using you for His purposes in relating to us your true emotions, and your committed faith.

    I promise to pray for Danielle, you, and the whole family in an intense manner. God bless and thanks for sharing.

    • John Hornback permalink
      June 6, 2012 11:42 am

      I’m sorry, I meant to say “greenest yard” above.

      • John Hornback permalink
        June 6, 2012 11:43 am

        … and “bring back the option to regress.” Sorry.

    • June 6, 2012 4:00 pm

      Thanks so much John! This is a wild roller coaster of emotions. One minute I’ll feel like I have control the next my mind is racing! Thank you for your prayers and friendship!

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